Girl in His Heart
by Andy-qinxin
Summary: Post "Holden's Menifesto". Rollaro. Whatever she thought, whatever Holden said, whatever he withheld. Too many maybes to think about. The problem was, who's the girl in his heart.


One-shot.

What happens after "Holden's manifesto". Spoilers alert.

Rollaro.

I don't own anything.

Note that English is not my first language.

Please leave a comment.

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><p>She pushed him away. After the shooting took place and when they got off work.<p>

Everyone was leaving the squad room after Olivia said the paperwork could wait. He thought it would have been just another night after a case. Movie, take out, beer and sex at her apartment.

But she said alone time was needed. She chose walking home that day.

Yet the walk didn't clear her head as she anticipated. In the end she was still wondering whether or not she was in love with him, or that if he was really just another good-looking jerk using her.

What she told Holden wasn't all a lie. Her past relationships did have a tendency of ending in tragedy. The last guy was sleeping was another girl all along. The guy before him was her captain and all the rumors and pressure pushed her into moving to New York. Bad news is, old habits die hard.

She fell for him. Charming smile and broad shoulders. Don't forget the overprotection that annoyed her and made her feel safe at the same time.

Holden was right about one thing. He never answered the question. Was Nick Amaro afraid of telling her his past relationships? What's in the past before Cynthia and Maria?

She was lying on her coach when he knocked. Yet she didn't move to get the door.

"Hey, Amanda it's me. You weren't answering your phone. I… I thought I might check up on you."

"I'm fine." She yelled without moving an inch.

"Amanda, look, I don't know what happened after I left. But I know there's stuff we gotta talk about. I'm coming in OK?"

No answer. Of course he would use the key. She gave him that when they started "hooking up". The problem was that he asked. He always asks stuff. Maybe he was different. Asking for permission for everything about her and treating her right. The past few months together were nothing like the past relationships for her. She was happy. She actually looked forward to waking up in his arms every time they were close to finishing up a case. It was somewhat a routine of theirs; a case over means a night he wouldn't leave until next morning.

The locked clicked. "I brought pizza and beer." His tune was plain.

"I'm not hungry." She finally sat up; her back towards him.

"Fourteen." He murmured as he sat down on the other end of the coach.

"What?"

"My first time."

"Wow." So here's the answer. The good part was at least he is being honest. Other side of the coin was that it's just as Holden said.

"But Holden wasn't all correct," he continued, as if reading her mind. "Her name was Josie. We grew up in the same neighborhood."

"I don't need to hear this." She felt her head spinning. Where's this conversation heading? Where's their relationship heading?

"Yes, you do." His voice was firm. "We dated quite a long time, got engaged when I was in college."

"That's…a long time." Maybe Holden was wrong. Maybe he was the rare kind of guy that actually stays with a girl.

"Then the symptoms began to show. Schizophrenia. I tried my best. The wedding plan was on hold. But we stayed together. Over time her condition was worsening, in and out of hospital."

"I'm sorry to hear that." She tried to squeeze a smile.

Yet he ignored her. "I was undercover. One day my lieutenant showed up and told me they found her body in the river along with a note addressed to me." His words barely audible at this moment.

"Nick, I…" she didn't get the words out as she saw the tears running down his cheek.

"They ruled it a suicide. But she was getting better. I knew she was."

"I'm so sorry." She whispered. Amanda Rollins wished to be able to do something to make things better for the man beside her right now, and she couldn't think of any.

"The world changed after Josie died. For a while I threw myself away. Different women every day, UC or not. Until I met Maria."

"Nick…"

"Look Amanda, I came here to tell you this." He was looking into her eyes now, "I'm not who that kid thought. And I'm not just a guy treating girls like I don't care. You've got enough first-hand evidence to make your own judgment. I'm with you now, Amanda. And I want to be with you. So don't shut me out."

She nodded, blinking back the tear drop threatening to fall. He had always had a way of getting to her. A slim hand on top of his; she squeezed the shaking hand, as though sending him some sort of energy.

They were silent for a few minutes until he offered pizza and beer again.

"Sure." She smiled, genuinely.

Maybe Holden was just another kid who thought he know things he didn't understand. Maybe Nick who she knew all alone. The caring side of him, holding doors for her, making breakfast every time he stays the night, and the way he was holding her tight right now made her smile.

They had been lying there forever and neither of them felt like ending the cuddling.

He pressed his lips gently against hers. "I think," his voice lazy as he moved the strand of hair away from her light-colored eyes, "I'm in love with you."

She smiled against his lips. "I love you too, Nick."

Maybe he wasn't the intelligent kind of guy. But he was the right kind of guy.

Maybe she was the girl in his heart now, after Josie and Maria.

They didn't have sex that night. They just fell asleep in each other's arms. Yet when Amanda woke up the next morning she could smell pancakes and bacon.

Maybe, it wasn't purely lust like with most men in her life.

Maybe it was more than that.

He cared. That's good enough for her.

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><p>Reviews?<p>

If you've watched Clod Case you'd see where the idea came from. Well it's just a quick one-shot bc we didn't get a Rollaro scene at the end of this episode.


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